She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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