If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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