i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
