I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
