He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize