you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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