Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
