is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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