Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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