I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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