Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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