you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
