My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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