I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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