I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
