hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
