I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
