Pappa wants mamma naked
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
