It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
