So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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