Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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