1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
the raccoons are back...
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