Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
