dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
