Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
