Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
