Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
