drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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