i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
