So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
