I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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