So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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