On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
