My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
