so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
