Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
