I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
