My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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