I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
