Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
