smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
