I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dear god my vagina.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize