sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
porn star boner night. come get it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
