i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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