East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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