Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
