when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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