I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
