I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Farmville is her only friend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
