Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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