i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
