How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
