I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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