Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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