allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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