I'm really into asian looking animals
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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