I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
