She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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