Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
