Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
