Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
