she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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