I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
