And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
