i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
