just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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