Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's never too late to be topless.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Text me some of your sweat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
